Stories featuring animals.
Table of Contents:
A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's just a big liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
A dog runs into a butcher's shop, grabs a string of sausages and runs back out again. The irate butcher recognizes the dog as belonging to one of his regular customers, a lawyer, so that afternoon he goes to the lawyer's office and says to the lawyer "If a dog steals meat from my store, do I have the right to demand payment from the dog's owner?" The lawyer replies "Yes, absolutely." "Well," says the butcher, "you owe me $5 for the sausages your dog stole this morning." The lawyer sighs and writes out a check for $5. A week later the butcher receives an envelope from the lawyer containing a bill for $20 for consultation.
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all of these things, then you are probably the family dog.
Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."
They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more.
"I am so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the first one. "
Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.
"O K," said the first. So they plopped down, basking in the sun.
No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat sneaks up and gobbles them up.
As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...
"I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS."